On the joys of motherhood

Poor neglected blog! Who would have thought that having a baby meant less time for things like blogging. Madness. 

Anyway, I had a baby! I'll save you from the gritty details involving my vagina and seven pounds worth of human coming out of it. I do, however, know now why ladies love to tell their labor and delivery stories. Imagine pushing an egg out of your nostril. You'd want to tell everyone about that shit, am I right?

No, today I want to discuss the changes one experiences after the joy of bringing another human to the world. My standards of existing have shifted dramatically. Let us examine with some before and after examples. 

Standard in question- cleaning the kitchen. 

Before Baby- floors mopped and swept, cupboards neat and tidy, Tupperware stacked and aranged in desending size order, small appliances wiped clean... Etc 
After Baby- dishes washed. Except silverware. Don't be greedy. 

Standard in question- Self image 

BB- showered, dressed smartly and appropriately for outing, hair product in use,  make-up applied. 
AB- A three day cap on shower neglect, a shirt is clean if there is no visable spit up/poop stain on it, the craters under your eyes put the moon to shame, getting dressed 10 minutes before andy gets home so it doesn't look like I lounged in my pjs all day.

Standard in question- relaxation 

BB- a couple of drinks on the beach, a good book, the sunshining in my face, and pleasant conversation. 
AB- when I lock myself in the bathroom for three minutes of "quiet"

Standard in question- Leaving the house

BB- cell phone, keys, wallet. 
AB, diapers, bottles, extra bottles, three changes of clothes, two burp cloths, pacifier, blanket, bottles, changing pad, "what do you mean you forgot the wipes? What am I supposed to do? Spit on a napkin??" 

Standard in question- Dining out

BB-cringing when the hostess sits you next to the screaming kid
AB- cringing because you HAVE the screaming kid

The larger lesson at play here is that you should never become a parent. Nooo I'm kidding.  Definitions and standards in life need to change, if they don't then you end up believing you are unhappy. But truthfully, being covered in someone elses bodily fluids has never made me happier.